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Beyond Positivity: How to Embrace Change and Overcome Your Fears and Doubts

A journal on a desk

Have you ever looked at creating change in your life either on a personal level or professional and you’ve come up against barriers? For example, you start to doubt yourself, you find yourself comparing yourself to others and find yourself lacking or maybe you just give up completely and fall back into old routines and habits.

This is a completely normal response as you step out of your comfort zone and try something new. Your brain will try and keep you safe by falling back on conditioned responses you learnt in childhood as a coping mechanism. So you may find that you’re telling yourself things such as ‘I should look on the bright side’ or on the flip side ‘I can’t change, this must just be who I am’

These statements are based partly on our personalities but also our perceptions on how we see ourselves.

A lot of people think that our personalities are set in stone, and while many studies do show that genetics do play a part in our temperaments as babies, they also agree that our personalities are strengthened through our experiences and our environment as we grow.

This means that we do have the potential to change and grow so how can you overcome these barriers?

There is a lot of noise out there that you have to be positive - flip your story, look at how you can look on the bright side. I love positive psychology and reframing. I use them in every session I have with clients but what I won’t do is deny the negative thoughts and struggles. Pushing through with positivity in every situation means that you’re dismissing and denying any negative thoughts. These negative thoughts are not necessarily helpful but by denying they exist, we can often find that we have an eruption of emotions down the line because they are asking to be listened to; not so that we give them power over our lives but so they can be reassured.

So, before you reach for your affirmations, sit with your thoughts. What are they saying to you? How is that making you feel?

Some people delve into shadow work or inner child work to support them in this part of their journey and I love both. A simpler tool is a fear inventory where you write out your negative thoughts and ask yourself ‘what does it mean if I have this thought?’ or ‘what is the worst case scenario?’ You can keep going until you get to the root fear or belief and then you can work on creating reassurances for those parts of you that are fearful of change, success or failure.

This is when I then bring in the positives, the affirmations, the reframing and it works so well every time.

Remember that you are human having a very real human experience so move through this with compassion and curiosity and if you’re looking for support on your own journey, check out my online services HERE

Kate x

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